Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
