Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
