I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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