Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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