FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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