alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
