Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
