Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
