i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
