We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
