I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
