Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When are your genitals available?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
