belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
