Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
