he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
