so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
