i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
