So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
