I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
