Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
