I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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