I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize