The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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