The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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