dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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