My sheets look like a crime scene.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
