i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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