Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
