I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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