Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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