I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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