he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize