I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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