Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
