when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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