9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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