If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
