When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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