a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
