I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
