Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
