dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
