but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
