OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
