Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
