I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
