Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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