have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
