my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
