how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it's great music for shaving your balls
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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