literally had 100 drinks last night.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
