i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
