I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
