girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
