I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It all started with a game of naked twister.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
