Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
