You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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