my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
