This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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