Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
